4 Mistakes Leaders Make Telling Stories: No Vulnerability
Long story short. Many leaders fail at corporate storytelling because they see vulnerability as a sign of weakness instead of an opportunity for connection.
A couple years ago, a prominent musician—let’s call him Chris—asked me to help him revolutionize his “Who am I?” story about his music. “My About page on my website is basically just full of facts about my performances and awards,” he told me. “I want to show people who I really am, though.”
So I told Chris during our first call, “Let’s begin to talk through the challenges you’ve faced, then! What have been the toughest roadblocks on your journey to success? When did you wonder if this was even the right career for you? What has tried to stunt your growth?”
He looked at me with a bit of sadness and confusion and said, “I don’t want to talk about my challenges. I don’t want people seeing that this has been difficult for me. I don’t think that’s a good look.”
In the end, we were unable to “revolutionize” his story.
I have listened to a lot of people tell personal stories over the last ten years. When I ran Tenx9 storytelling in Nashville, my events saw over 800 stories told. And over this last decade, I’ve seen the same handful of mistakes deflate—or outright destroy—a potentially good story over and over again. And now that I’m working with leaders in corporate and organizational spaces, these mistakes are even more pronounced—and costly! Not delivering the full impact possible in your story can result in a whole host of missed opportunities: revenue, team engagement, belief in a vision or a cause, and on and on.
Perhaps the most common of all story mistakes I see leaders make in corporate storytelling is this: They are not vulnerable. Like Chris, they see vulnerability as a sign of weakness rather than opportunity for connection. Chris said he wanted to change things up, put a new spin on his story so that it wasn’t so focused on his accomplishments and accolades. And yet, faced with the opportunity to do just that, he wasn’t able to take that step. Acknowledging that he had struggled, that his world-class musical career hadn’t come easy, that he had some major hiccups along the way—these truths felt too exposing. And so he retreated back into the story-shell he had already fashioned—which, to be honest, was actually not a story at all.
“Perhaps the most common of all story mistakes I see leaders make in corporate storytelling is this: They are not vulnerable.”
As I say, Chris is not unique. In the corporate storytelling coaching I’ve offered to leaders in organizations like NASA, Accenture, Cigna, and others, I hear the same reticence:
“I’m not interested in telling people how I’ve messed up.”
“Why would I want to talk about things I got wrong?”
“You don’t understand my company’s culture if you think that kind of vulnerability will go over well here.”
But here’s what I tell them (in a nutshell):
“I’m not interested in telling people how I’ve messed up.”
Then you are unlikely to see the level of engagement and connection you want. Few things connect humans to each other like shared experiences. And everyone can relate to getting something wrong. Perfection is an experience no one can relate to. You’re missing a golden opportunity to connect with your people.
“Why would I want to talk about the challenges I’ve faced in my career?”
Because there’s incredible learning in there! Those kinds of stories—the “I got it wrong once, but here’s what I learned” stories—are invaluable. Trial and failure is how we all learn. Share that learning with your team by telling them not just what you learned, but how you learned it.
“You don’t understand my company’s culture if you think that kind of vulnerability will go over well here.”
Vulnerability will never go over well in your company as long as its leaders refuse to be vulnerable. Organizations grow toward the images and stories you put in front of them. If you as a leader are constantly elevating perfection and lack of vulnerability, then that’s the culture that will rise up. If you want to change the culture, change the stories you’re telling. And the change the way you’re telling them.
In corporate storytelling, vulnerability in a story doesn’t have to look like self-deprecation, spilling your secrets, or anything of that sort. It can be as simple as statements like:
I had no idea what to do.
I felt way in over my head.
I knew exactly what to do—except for the fact that my idea ended up being terrible!
I got fired from my first job.
Anything that shows you are a human being with feelings who doesn’t always get it right. That’s the kind of stuff everyone can relate to.
